WHAT IS EQ?The area of emotional intelligence (often called EQ) is a core element of relationships. Emotional intelligence fosters the overall awareness, self-management, emotional availability, and relationship management skills necessary for loving relationships.

 

DOES EQ MATTER? A certain level of cognitive intelligence (IQ) is helpful for life success, but a fairly high level of emotional intelligence is absolutely essential for maintaining successful intimate relationships. I created this short, basic EQ quiz to help give you a general idea of where your EQ skills are strong and where they might need work. As just one part of healthy relationship-building, my third book, Date Smart, guides you into developing strong EQ in simple, actionable ways.

 

WHAT ABOUT A PARTNER’S EQ? And, if you’re wondering if someone you are dating has good EQ, this quick assessment can spark healthy conversations about the areas in another person’s life that feel healthy and areas that might need a little—or a lot—of work. Your relationship will be healthier and stronger when both you and your partner have solid EQ.

 

CAN I DEVELOP EQ? Unlike natural cognitive intelligence, we aren’t born with emotional intelligence.  EQ is available to all individuals who want to invest in increasing their EQ through dedicated, consistent effort. Once you know what it takes to have high EQ, all you need to do is work consistently to increase and maintain your beneficial thought and behavior patterns. As you consistently embrace an intentional mindset and channel your energy into positive actions, your EQ will increase—and all your relationships will change for the better.

 

EQ ASSESSMENT TIPS:

• Read the questions and then pause briefly to reflect. In Part A, just write down your answer without overthinking. It’s not about getting the answer right or wrong—focus on increasing your awareness and understanding. True EQ isn’t just about knowing the “right” responses; genuine EQ shows up when we engage in positive behaviors and use healthy skills.
• Build your self-awareness by scoring your own responses. The “correct” answers provided at the end of the assessment are merely guidelines. Simply self-score with mindful awareness.
• Part A scoring is based on your own assessment and self-scoring of your responses. Part B is also self-scoring and is based on your personal assessment of how often you use your skills.
• Don’t judge yourself or be critical of your answers; just enjoy the process of assessing where you are now with your EQ and where you might want to be. If you decide to share your responses, do so only with a trusted, nonjudgmental friend or partner.

EQ Quiz: Part A, Questions

 

1. According to the five-emotion model, what are the five key emotions?

 

2. What is the basic purpose of emotions?

 

3. What is the difference between feelings and emotions?

 

4. What are the four styles of communication?

 

5. What is an “I” message and why is it important?

 

6. What is reflective listening (mirroring) and why is it important?

 

7. Is fighting in a relationship healthy or unhealthy—and why?

 

8. Why are self-management skills an important component of EQ?

 

9. What are three of the most destructive behaviors in a relationship?

 

10. What are the top three ways emotional intelligence benefits intimate relationships?

 

EQ Quiz: Part A, Scoring

 

• Scoring for Part A: Refer to the EQ Quiz answers. Assess and self-score your responses to each question giving 0 to 10 points for each response; add the points to calculate your total Part A score. This self-scoring method helps you build greater personal awareness and confidence.

 

• Score Range for Part A: 0 to 100 possible.

 

EQ Quiz: Part B, Assessment

 

Part B is a simple self-assessment. Review each of the questions in Part One. Ask yourself how often and consistently you generally use the knowledge you displayed in your responses.

 

EQ Quiz: Part B, Scoring

 

Mindfully give yourself a global rating according to how often and consistently you actually use your EQ skills.   Consider your overall tendencies. Self-score to arrive at a global rating between 0 (never) and 100 (always).

 

• Use this rating scale:

Never = 0

Whenever I feel like it = 10

Sometimes = 25

Often = 50

Nearly always = 75

Always = 100

 

• Score Range for Part B: 0 to 100 possible.

Calculating Your Overall EQ

 

Add your scores from Parts A and B to calculate your overall EQ level. The results reflect your personal assessment of where you currently stand in the EQ realm based on a total possible score of 0 to 200.

 

Note that the self-scoring method allows you to practice objective self-assessment of your overall EQ awareness and use of your EQ skills. Self-assessment capacities are a key element of healthy self-awareness and strong self-esteem.

 

Depending on where your score falls in the below ranges, you may choose to improve your EQ skills by diving into some conscious self-work. If your score is on the higher end, applaud yourself and continue your efforts to tune into yourself and others in positive, connective ways.

• 0–49:    You have quite a lot of EQ work ahead; take one step at a time!
• 50–99:     You are on the right path; keep going.
• 100–149: Well done! Keep up your efforts.
• 150–199: Thanks for your hard work. Continue your efforts to be your best self.
• 200: Unicorn! You’re likely a mentor and source of support for others.

 

 

Your EQ score is a general evaluation of certain EQ capacities and how often you put them into use. If your score is not what you’d like it to be, don’t let the score “define” you; just use it as an incentive to build greater self-awareness, stronger self-esteem, and empowering relational skills.

 

Whether your score is on the lower, middle, or higher end, it’s important to consistently work to improve and maintain healthy EQ. And, of course, having healthy EQ is just one of the important building blocks of a truly healthy relationship.

 

Love Fearlessly! If you’d like to increase your dating and relationship skills from the inside out, you’ll love diving into Dr. Manly’s book, Date Smart: Transform Your Relationships and Love Fearlessly. From creating healthy boundaries and increasing self-esteem to improving awareness of “red flags,” Date Smart helps you become your own self-awareness and relationship expert.

 

Emotional Intelligence (EQ) Quiz Answers

 

 

1. Anger, sadness, fear, disgust, and joy.

 

2. Survival, safety, and communication with self and others.

 

3. Emotions are instinctive, gut responses geared toward survival. Feelings are the result of emotions being processed in the brain through the lens of past personal experiences.

 

3. Passive, passive-aggressive, aggressive, and assertive.

 

4. An “I” message involves the use of a feeling statement that is oriented toward how the speaker feels about a certain behavior or situation. For example, “I feel hurt when you don’t call to tell me you’ll be late.” “I” messages encourage connectivity and understanding whereas “you” statements invite blame and dissension.

 

5. Reflective listening involves giving wholehearted attention to the speaker. Personal agendas are put aside during listening. The speaker’s statements are repeated back until a full understanding is reached. Roles are switched, and the speaker becomes the listener. Reflective listening encourages deep listening and awareness of the other’s feelings and needs.

 

6. Fighting is generally not healthy as it promotes divisiveness rather than connection. Fighting is warlike and it is based on win/lose mentality. Disagreement and conflict are normal and can be very productive when a win/win compromise attitude is in place, but fighting generally breeds hostility and can be very toxic and unproductive in relationships.

 

7. If one or both partners are impulsive, unpredictable, and lack emotional self-control, it’s exceedingly difficult to form a foundation of balance, trust, and safety that is necessary for true intimacy.

 

8. Those with strong self-management skills generally have good emotional regulation and are able to cooperate and adapt in ways that foster a healthy, strong relationship.

 

9. a) Being disrespectful (this includes dishonesty, abuse, manipulations, etc.); b) Having a win/lose or right/wrong attitude; c) Shutting down/stonewalling.

 

10. EQ increases safety/consistency. EQ increases connection. EQ increases the ability to love and be loved.

 

Remember that the above answers are guidelines; your responses may be different yet still be valid. Self-development and relationships are a journey, so remember to be kind to yourself every step of the way!

 

Attribution: The EQ Quiz provided is an adapted excerpt from Dr. Carla Marie Manly’s book, Date Smart (Familius, 2021).  Reprinting and use allowed only with prior written authorization.