11 Tips for Talking so Kids Listen
Want to make sure your kids listen without frustration? Try these simple tips to speak their language and improve communication!
Have you ever asked your child to do something, only to be met with a blank stare or worse, complete avoidance? We’ve all been there. Getting kids to really listen can feel like trying to herd cats. But there are strategies that can turn this around!
In this article, we’ll dive into how to speak to your child in a way that grabs their attention and keeps it, so they listen to what you have to say. Whether it’s chores, manners, or even just a friendly chat, these tips can help make your conversations more meaningful and effective.
1. Get on Their Level
Imagine someone towering over you, telling you to stop what you’re doing. Intimidating, right? Kids feel the same way. When you need to speak to them, kneel down or sit at their eye level. This simple gesture shows respect and helps them feel connected to you. When you’re physically close and not towering over them, they’re more likely to be engaged in the conversation.
By creating this equal footing, your child is more likely to see the conversation as a two-way street rather than an order coming down from above.
2. Use Positive Language
Telling a child what not to do is sometimes the quickest way to get them to do it. Instead of focusing on the negative, try framing your instructions positively. For instance, instead of saying, “Don’t run inside,” try, “Let’s walk slowly so we don’t bump into anything.”
Positive language helps kids understand what you want from them, rather than leaving them guessing. Plus, it makes the conversation feel less like a scolding and more like guidance.
3. Stay Calm and Patient
Let’s be real—sometimes kids know exactly how to push your buttons. But yelling or showing frustration won’t help. If anything, it can cause your child to tune you out more. When you stay calm, it signals to your child that the situation is under control, which helps them focus on what you’re saying.
If you feel frustration creeping in, take a deep breath before speaking. It not only helps you stay calm but also models self-control for your child.
4. Give Clear, Simple Instructions
Ever notice how kids can become confused by complicated directions? Sometimes we overload them with too much information at once. Break your instructions into small, manageable steps. Instead of saying, “Clean your room,” try something more specific, like, “Put your toys in the bin first, then make your bed.”
Clear instructions prevent overwhelm and make it easier for your child to follow through.
5. Make Eye Contact
If your child is distracted or engrossed in something else, they’re not going to hear a word you say. Before giving any instructions, gently get their attention by saying their name and making eye contact. This way, you know they’re focused on you and ready to listen.
Pro tip: Touching their shoulder or holding their hand while you speak can also help establish that connection, especially with younger children.
6. Offer Choices (When Appropriate)
Kids love to feel like they have a say in things. Offering them a choice can make them more likely to listen and cooperate. For example, instead of saying, “You need to clean up now,” you could say, “Would you like to pick up your toys first or put away your books?” It gives them a sense of control while still accomplishing the goal.
Just make sure the choices you offer are ones you’re okay with!
7. Be Consistent
Consistency is key to effective communication. If you say something, make sure to follow through. This helps your child understand that your words have meaning and that you’re serious when you speak.
For example, if you ask your child to turn off the TV in 10 minutes, follow through when that time is up. If you let it slide, it teaches them that your words aren’t always worth listening to, which can lead to bigger communication issues down the road.
8. Use Humor
Kids love to laugh, and sometimes humor can be the best way to get them to listen. If you’re finding it hard to get their attention, try injecting a bit of fun into your request. Maybe speak in a silly voice or make a playful rhyme out of your instructions.
For example, instead of saying, “Time for bed,” you could say, “Let’s race to your bed like speedy cheetahs!” It’s amazing how quickly they’ll listen when there’s fun involved.
9. Explain Why
Kids are naturally curious and love to ask “why” about everything. When you give instructions, take a moment to explain the reasoning behind them. It helps children understand the bigger picture and makes them more likely to follow through.
For example, instead of just saying, “Don’t touch the stove,” you could explain, “It’s really hot and can hurt your hands.” When kids know the why behind your request, they’re more inclined to listen because it makes sense to them.
10. Acknowledge Their Feelings
Sometimes, kids tune out because they don’t feel heard. If your child is upset or distracted, acknowledge their feelings before giving instructions. For instance, if they’re frustrated about having to stop playing, say something like, “I know it’s hard to stop when you’re having fun, but we need to get ready for dinner.”
Acknowledging their emotions shows empathy and can help calm them down so they’re ready to listen.
11. Pick the Right Moment
Timing is everything. Trying to get your child to listen while they’re deeply focused on something else, like a TV show or a video game, is likely to result in frustration for both of you. Instead, wait for a natural break in their activity, or give them a heads-up: “In five minutes, we need to talk about what we’re doing today.”
This way, you’re setting up the conversation for success.
Speak So They’ll Listen
Getting your child to listen doesn’t have to feel like an uphill battle. By adjusting your approach with these tips, you’ll not only improve communication but also strengthen your relationship with your child. Remember, it’s all about creating a positive, calm, and engaging atmosphere where your child feels respected and understood.
With a little patience, clear communication, and a sprinkle of fun, you’ll have your child listening in no time. Whether it’s getting them to do chores, follow rules, or simply engage in a conversation, these strategies can make a big difference.
Discover More Ways to Engage Your Child in Conversation
Family Talk
Eat, Laugh, Talk
How to Hug a Hedgehog
Shaelyn Topolovec earned a BA in Editing and Publishing from BYU, worked on several online publications, and joined the Familius family. Shae is currently an editor and copywriter who lives in California’s Central Valley.